WHAT IT’S LIKE TO BE AN ADDICTION PSYCHOTHERAPIST, PART 1

As a therapist working with persons affected by addictions of all kinds, I am often asked how it is to work in this field and with “those people”. Our society has all different kinds of ideas such as “They’re all liars. How do you not loose your mind getting lied to all the time?” Or “ Addicts relapse all the time. It must be really depressing?” I love these questions.

They give me an opportunity to reflect on how much I love my job.

The way I answer is by commenting on the positive moments that are much more powerful than those other experiences that may be perceived as frustrating, anger provoking or depressing. I had a woman see me last week who I had counseled several years ago. The changes in her life were so inspiring and powerfully moving to me. The happiness I felt for her was so overwhelming and that feeling is like a shield that builds patience and space for those who are angry, dishonest and struggling with wanting to change. This is what brings parents to me. Those Persons with Addictive Personalities (PAPs) that push parents to the brink of emotional breakdowns and hopelessness. Those who refuse help or seem to slip through the cracks and not get anywhere with traditional treatment. Fortunately for me there are many PAPs that can and do make that shift from pain and despair to pride, happiness and wellbeing.

This woman told me of how grateful she was to me now that her life has improved immeasurably. I listened to her recall of how she came to me for advice on her adult children’s drug use. She recalled how I helped her to see how she herself contributed to their addictions and how she herself also had an addiction problem and did not even see it. Now, with over 2 years of recovery, her life has never been so enjoyable and filled with happiness. She talked the entire session about the positives in her life and I pointed out to her how I only showed the door and it was she that did the hard work of recovery. She reminded me of all the other PAP’s and parents, siblings and spouses of PAP’s that had similar stories of hope and inspiration. This is why I love my job. The success stories, the gratitude, the text messages I receive from those who have “come over from the dark side”. It is important for me as a therapist as well as for the public to hear these stories of success. And we can learn from them as well. What is it that worked? How did the life changing events unfold and occur? For many, success comes from seeing another perspective, from being open to challenging assumptions and misunderstandings, and from making the small changes that can lead to larger ones. The disease of addiction is so extremely complicated, complex and “cunning, baffling and powerful” as it has been said. The more a person is able to drop what society has taught us about addiction, the better the family prognosis.